if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
