Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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