I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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