it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
and you fell through a lawn chair
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
