fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
