Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
