I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
