I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
