Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
