my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
