Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
