Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
