What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
