I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
