Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
