A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
