Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
