the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
