I think I died a long time ago.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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