I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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