omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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