Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
