I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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