I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
