We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
