We won't sleep together?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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