idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it penis luge time yet?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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