Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
