singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize