Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
