I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im holly from the hills drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
