pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize