"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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