fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize