my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
