Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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