So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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