I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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