..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
