you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
