I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
