Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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