I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
