if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
