hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
