she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
