Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Houston, we have a blender
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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