i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
please come you make the beer taste better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
