She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
