please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
