I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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