I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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