This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
