i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
