Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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