Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He did a backflip because drugs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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