Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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