Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
