get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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