She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
