I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
