if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
