My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
