did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
