Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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