mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
