Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
