Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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