Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize