Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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