I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we're so committed to being not committed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
