If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
