No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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