You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
