i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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