Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
