My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize