Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
