Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
