one might say we're banned from that church
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
