I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My life is pants optional.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize