Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
