Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize