She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
