I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
