we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My ass is underappreciated
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
