I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
