I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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