I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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