u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
