She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize