I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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