just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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