dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
