Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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