Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had to cum in my sink.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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