Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
