She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
