if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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